Ranma's upside down! Catastrophe apporaching
by Psuriko
Summary: Ranma fights against all kinds of odd characters and having trouble staying fiancées at bay. But what happens when he have to face his fears in a new way?
1. Chapter 1

Author: Psuriko

Copyrights: All common Ranma½ characters that are a part of this fanfiction belongs soley to Rumiko Takahashi.

**Battle time! Catastrophe for dessert.**

The morning sun was shining bright on Nerima, on a particular a familiar business, birds were singing and food aroma enveloped the surrounding neighbourhood.

People went to theirs jobs, jogging or to even eat breakfast out at one of the many food restaurants

Inside the owner of the Cat Café was looking over a pile of jewellery of her own in the inner parts of the building.

"Hmm… This was a fine memory from the past" Cologne said with a hint of red in her face and continued to sort out among the treasures collected over lifetime.

In the kitchen among the countless piles of unwashed plates someone was chuckling low.

"Mwahaha! It took months to scrap up enough money to buy these tickets to the amphibian exhibition in Yamatake. Why does that dried up mummy have to give such pesky low wage, but at least Shampoo's soft lips will make up for that after she thanks me for this wonderful date."

Mousse kissed the mop he held passionately, thinking about that last thought when a large noise came from the outside….

Pleased customers went out and new came into the Chinese restaurant as usual that day. A foreign old man in a brown suit, hat and a suitcase with the letters 'RDZ' walked in determined.

"Oho! 'The Peacemaker from West and East'. It is such a pity the other half was lost very long ago, could have made son-in-law marry Shampoo long time ago." She thought and shook her head in disgrief.

"Mousse! If you are not finished soon with the dishing the customers won't have any plates to have their paid breakfast on, and you know what is going to happen.." The owner roared to the kitchen's resident.

Someone was knocking on a panel in the room and the old man presented himself after lifting off his hat:

"Good morning. I am Fergus S. Nivelheimer and came here to settle an old bill with the owner."

Cologne was interrupted from the usual lecture on one of her less liked subordinates and jumped on her staff to the stranger.

"An old bill you say?" She scratched her chin "I seem not to recall having anything unsettled with foreigners."

"It is written right here on this document, I even brought in the portfolio."

He unlocked the suitcase and looked through papers. "Aha! Here it is." The man waved with the paper for a second and handed it over to Cologne.

"Hmm…" She said while reading the document a minute or two.

"Seems to be true, an old dept to the tribe almost forgotten by time."

Mousse could hear someone familiar, rage meter raced to the moon, as he looked out from the kitchen window:

"Let go, Shampoo!" Ranma said as he was once again trapped in the amazon's clutches.

"No do can, this more comfortable." She replied.

"Well, well… Looks like you two are having a nice hugging-time." Akane said. A large vein started to pump blood at higher then usual rate a day in the girl's forehead.

"Don't let **ME **bother you! I am heading to school and let you catch up later, turtle dove!"

She dashed off in her green schooluniform and left dust in her tracks.

"Sheesh. What's up with her now? I though she had her period last week…" The martial art supreme thought.

First things first he had to bend up Shampoo's grip before doing anything else. A crowbar came to mind, but was dismissed quickly. It would take too long time to crawl around or even jump, looking for one with extra luggage, wrapped around you. The principle would surely think up another stupid rule for punishing students that came late to school. Not that he couldn't trick Mr. Nitwit again to slip by… Hoho!

Ranma felt something was weird and quickly dodged whatever was close at him. The telephone pole they were close to a split second ago had underwent a diet-course faster then most pills could make effect for six months.

"What the..?"

Forks, knives and blunt weapons were tied around the telephone pole leading from the Cat Café's kitchen's window.

"Ranma! **HOW DARE YOU HUG SHAMPOO IN THE MORNING!**"

"Figures." The prime hug-suspect thought when the clues were summarised.

In the kitchen window Mousse displaying his two rows with teeth, was holding the other end of the ropes.

"It wasn't my idea; she crashed into me with her bike when we were. Speaking of breaking, do you have any thing that resembles a crowbar in those endless spaces of sleeves you got? "

Mousse froze for a second. A sound that could have been mistaken for a rubberband snapping came from nowhere.

His hands were trembling slight.

"To do what with? Breaking in and steal more of Shampoo's heart then you have already done? "

Before Ranma could answer with a witty counter, Mousse launched another attack. Flying saucers covered the air where Ranma were.

"If she could just let me go I could beat him in seconds." Ranma thought.

Ranma made a high jump into the air, somersaulting against a wall as everything throwable tailed his every move.

"You vile son of Arsene Lupin!" Mousse roared.

The heartthief continued to dodge his every attempt at teaching him a "lesson" in staying away from a certain girl.

"Stop this Mousse! You not have kitchen-duties now?" Shampoo said irritated at him.

Mousse paused for a second..

"It feels good that this is settled now." Fergus said with relief.

The owner nodded in agreement.

"Now, where could that daughter of mine be…"

_Bang!_

Something large flew through the room, crashing through the wall on the other side where the customers were eating and talking about daily life and house prices dropping in the districts.

Fergus looked closer on the hole in the wall in astonishment.

"Jolly good! Looks like you need an extra large supply of rat-poison to get rid of those rodents. Do they always-knockdown whole walls in Japan? "

Cologne didn't move from where she was standing on her staff, only shaking her head.

"Where the heck did you get that raw power for the punch, Mousse!" Ranma coughed from under the rubble.

An object barely registered by the naked eye landed on top of the pile where the pigtailed fighter was buried.

Mousse laughed before he entered the room. "Behold the final resort weapon! The kitchens sink!"

The wall parts that had been lying on the floor began to move aside as Ranma emerged.

"That's it, Mousse! I knew your sleeves could contain anything, but _that_ was the last straw!"

Ranma got himself up in battle stance, ready for pay back time.

"If you two have to fight, do it outside the restaurant!" Cologne said and gripped the two fighters with her staff and threw them through the roof like ping pong balls.

Parts of the now damaged roof followed them as they hit a large post-box near the front side of the building.

"Ohhh, my head. Luckily something soft made the landing somewhat easier though." The pigtailed boy chuckled and tried to stand up.

As he made his way up, he noticed that on top of the post-box he had landed on was an unconscious Mousse laying with a funny expression in his face.

A bell rang from afar, something that couldn't be good… Ranma quickly ran towards school after realising after a few seconds that was the Furinkan School signal striking 8.30 am.

Arriving at school, he noticed that it looked like a battlefield taken from a samurai movie. Instead of bloodstains, there was PE material lying spread all around the bodies.

Sumo wrestlers, swimmers, polka dancers and even the scout club's members were on the ground.

In middle of it a familiar swordsman was standing like a statue raised in memory of the fallen comrades.

"What the..? K-k-kuno?"

_Thwack!_

"You are not paid for naptime at work, Mousse!"

The sleeping beauty opened his eyes and tried to locate from where that thwacking originated.

"Ack! It's the IprenMan, back from the dead!"

_Thwa-crack!_

"Who do you mistake a Swedish television advertisement medicine with? Put on the glasses!"

Mousse took his round glasses from the double bump on his head, and put them on the nose.

He looked away in disgust and mumbled barely audible.

_God, what an ugly dried up monkey._

As about Mousse was finished with his criticism, he was put out for good.

Fergus Nivelheimer made his goodbyes and wished luck in getting rid of the large rodents.

When he had left the building Cologne thought 'Why can't staffs be as durable as in the good old times?'

Back at school Ranma wondered what had happened at the school grounds.

"Sheesh Akane, you know what had plown through students back there at the grounds? I bet it was at least an Abraham II or a tornado." He laughed pretty heartily.

"Ha, ha. Always so funny when you huggle with other girls. You hear me? I could laugh so hard I could die from your funny comments! HA HA HA!"

Akane was getting more worked up as she lashed at her fiancée.

"Hello! I didn't huggle with Shampoo! You saw how she crashed into me with her bike as usual and started to do _that_."

He jumped up on Akane's desk ready to continue the verbal fight when he realised retaliation was futile.

"You are such a liar! I didn't see you try to resist her efforts. And I was so looking forward to make the dinner for tonight."

Tears started to fall from her chins.

Ranma had suddenly frozen into a statue and fell of his fiancée's desk with a loud bang.

He got up by gripping onto the corners of the top of the desk.

Ranma waved his hands randomly as he tried to talk her out making another one, using her culinary expertise.

He even started to rub her back, which in turn only gave an elbow punch as thanks.

It didn't take long to find that thing Fergus was looking for after they got abruptly interrupted by the large "rodents". Fergus found her a few metres away from the post-box earlier, deep stuck in the wall. After some efforts and paying an old couple who were the owners of wall and a wrecking ball, Fergus got her loose. She was still unconscious', he took her to the nearest hospital or that is what he thought.

"This isn't a hospital, but I could work out those joints in a snap, jokes aside." Said the clinic's Doctor Tofu.

Bending and twisting the body of the girl like what would be physically impossible. Elbows out and flipping the patient in mid air, stretching the spine.

The doctor worked for a couple of minutes and when he was finished, he wiped away the sweat in his forehead.

"Pretty ugly, but I have to admit it isn't even close to being mentioned in the same level as one of my other frequent patients."

Mr. Nivelheimer nodded, but didn't pay any particular attention to the doctor's saying when he himself was fascinated by something in the corner.

"Interesting nurse you got, doctor. What does she eat to stay that good and still virile at the same time as never moving?"

He started to poke on the skeleton, but Tofu stopped him pretty quick.

"No that is my skeleton, Betty."

Tofu directed the old man towards the patient and told him that she stills seems to be unable to wake up after testing several pressure techniques. Fergus was urged to go to the hospital a couple of kilometres away.

As he was leaving the clinic, Fergus asked who that regular patient would be, just in curiosity of course.

"He is called 'Ranma Saotome', living with the Tendos and his fiancée"

"You look at jewellery again, great grandmother?" Shampoo asked after throwing in the 'trash' back to into the kitchen for punishment.

Cologne nodded, but she seemed so flustered the girl thought.

Turning every ring and necklace upside down, but still couldn't find it.

"The relic 'peacemaker' was just here less then an hour ago, but it have vanished into thin air. This isn't good a good sign."

Shampoo widened her eyes "What it do?" She asked a bit uncertain.

"Alone it is just a normal piece of necklace, but together with 'Warmongler' it could turn out bothersome."

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Phew, took some nights top pull that first chapter of, but please be kind to drop a review when you have read it.

I estimate that a new chapter will be released per week until it is finished.


	2. Chapter 2

Written by Psuriko.

Ranma½ and all its characters are created by Rumiko Takahashi and therefor I make no claim.

**Battletime! Catastrophe for dessert.**

"But no bad comes without something good within.." Cologne murmured silent. It wasn't often that westerners came to visit the cafe, yet a European of all things.

What could make them pay phoney-debts? Not that it concerned her.

Perhaps it could cover the repairer's costs to fix the broken walls(the insurance premiums will sky rocket!). Cologne hopped on her stick towards the office.

------

The day seemed to go on faster then usual, almost like the clock was sugarated.

It was getting getting cloudy and the wind that blew during the day had calmed down.

A smell enveloped the neighbourhood in the district Nerima.

"Ahhh. That bath at the bathhouse was relaxing, eh Genma?" Soun said.

His old friend nodded as they reached the Tendo's. A cold wind went up their spines as Soun opened the frontdoor.

_Sniff, sniff._

"What is that smell? I hope that Kasumi didn't…" Soun said.

"To me it smells like something foul, yet edible." Genma said.

Soun didn't finish the sentence as a horrifying thought struck his mind:

Soun's youngest daughter Akane was the one making the dinner tonight!

His hand was trembling when his hand let go of the doorknob. The scent became stronger the closer they came to the kitchen.

-----

In the kitchen it was turbulence as Akane through most ingredients available.

The table was already full of bowls with burnt food and eggshells poking out. Akane made room for things she wanted to try out to spice up tonight's dinner.

Kasumi was standing and tried to help her younger sister with the dinner.(which was rejected repeatly).

"Don't worry Kasumi! This time I will make a perfect dinner thanks to this cookbook: 'Western recipes and how to improve them for dummies' by Lake E. Bagmore." Akane said. She handed it over to her older sister

"Oh my ..."Kasumi said. She held her right over her mouth.

------

Outside the house an old man and a little girl stopped and looked at the sign at front:

'Tendo Soun'

The man was dressed in a black suit. On his head was a brown with a red feather on it. And in the left hand he had a suitcase. In the other he had a walking stick.

The little girl was dressed in a red dress decorated with fish in various colours. Over it she had a brown jacket with side pockets and one in the front.

"Tensoldier? No, Nin-ten-do.. 'Tendo'! Good thing I took that Japanese for dummies when we were in Moscow, right Jackeline?" Fergus said. Something smelt good from inside the house hit his nose. His lips went up.

The little girl nodded and let out a sigh.

"Call me 'Jacky' when we are out, daddy. What are we doing here anyway?" Jackeline said.

The old man laughed heartily. "You shouldn't be embarassed about your name. Wear it proud!"

She looked down at the ground, and was touching something in her frontpocket.

The scent coming from the house wasn't something that tickled her fancy.

"Easy for you to say when your name isn't so wierd around friends." Jacky mumbled.

Fergus poked her with his stick. They went to the frontdoor. He stoved the walking stick in the other hand. The old man pressed the doorbell.

_Di-ing dong Di-ing dong!_

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"Was someone using the doorbell Akane? " Kasumi said.

Akane shoke her head and pointed at the microwave.

"I think it was the microwave's sound when finished cooking." Akane said.

The kitchen was a mess painted in the rainbow's colours.. Some of the bowls have started to drip. Several automatic fire alarms were in the dustbin, wrecked beyond repair.

-------

"Seems like we have to invite ourselves in then." Fergus said. He wasn't too happy when people didn't open the door in Asia. And now when Japanese people usually are home to boot.

Fergus opened the door. On the inside he could see that the house looked like most typical houses he has seen around Japan. It looked like there wasn't a soul in the house, only black smoke coming from behind a curtain.

"Oh my, these japanese sure knows how to take grilling to the next level! And in a wardrobe too with full automatics." Fergus said. His eyes were teared for these brilliant people.

The old man went upstairs to look at other marvelous rooms when someone opened the curtain.

"Are you sure there wasn't someone at our doorstep, Akane? I even hear the staircase creaking now." Kasumi said. She was a bit worried now. Who knows, it could be a burglar or something worse sneaking in their house.

Akane looked up from the freezer with chicken scraps in her face and on her apron:

"Yes sister, but the creaking comes from me. I try to tenderize the chicken just like the cookbook said it should be."

"It couldn't be Ranma, could it? I haven't seen him since you two came back from school." Kasumi said. She thought it could be for today's dinner, but why ring on the doorbell?

Akane resumed banging on the chicken with a mallet.

"He promised he would eat it and not do something else!" Akane said. Her thoughts were directed at something else when she broke the mallet in two pieces on contact with the frozen poultry.

Meanwhile in the dojo someone sneezed…

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"Achoo! Where did that come from? I hope it isn't a cold coming up soon… Buu-ut if it keeps me from Akane's cooking I don't object." Ranma said.

Ever since he came back from school Ranma has been training in the dojo. Training shadow boxing to improve himself until when Ryoga came back from Canada. In a corner of the dojo a small postcard with pancakes on the front saying'Hi from Toronto!', and a message on the back:

"It was difficult but well worth it finding the master in Sapporo. Lots of polarbears. I will challenge you in one week Ranma to show you how much better I have become since last time./ Ryoga Hibiki.

PS, It's very cold here."

Ranma smirked. The letter arrived over three weeks ago and no signs of the 'Al mighty Ryoga'. Perhaps he got lost in the snow and can't find his way home?

"Nah, if I know that guy right he will pop up sooner or later… even if he went to outerspace. Though I wonder what could he have learnt this time?" Ranma thought. He raised his arms behind his head and laughed.

------

"Think it is safe to say that Akane decided to call it a day, Soun?" Genma said.

The duo had hidden themselves in the backyard when they first smelt thta it was Akane doingthe dinner today, playing GO. The rounds had been even until Genma decided to once too often.

When they felt it was safe to go inside, they made it with crawls.

Slooowly opening the door, peeking inside and scanning the whole area inside the house for casulties. No almost-dead bodies or even foodpoisoning (a highlevel one) could be spottted. Only a suspcicious ceramic bowl with a lid on top standing on the tabel in the living room. Plates and a set of forks and knives were being placed on it too.

"Oh, have you finally come back from the bathehouse? Please sit down. Dinner is almost ready now. " Kasumi said.

The duo sighed with a relief. It seemed like Akane's plans was for now averted for sake of health. Though it still bothered them that something wasn't alright with black smoke coming from the kitchen when Kasumi went inside again…

Genma and Soun sat around the table when creaking sounds came from the stairs. The sound became louder and louder.

An old man dressed in a black suit, brown hat and suitcase was coming down from the stairs..

"Who are you? A rude housethief coming to steal when its dinner!" Soun said. He was dressed in his samuraisuit at an instant, ready to strike down the theif.

The man went down the last stairs slowly.

"Intresting rooms you have, even with the patches… lovely." Fergus said.

Soun and Genma looked at each other: 'A thief that critizises the house before robbing it?'

"And the carpets! Now when I see it; where did you get that old armour? It must have been very valuable." Fergus said.

"If you are here to rob, forget it, we already have a fiend in disguise living here already!" Soun said.

"Oh-ho. That is quite rude to accuse me of aligning with the devil." Fergus said.

Soun lowered his sword and looked at Genma again.

Was this man new in thievery and perhaps a bit unorthodox?

-----------------------

"I swear! Knew it would be a waste of time coming to this country. It's sooo boring here." Jacky thought. She had snuck from her father into the shack. When Jacky came in she realised it wasn't a shack; More like something from one of the boring movies her father liked to watch. There was someone there when she closed the door. Jumping and doing other things like in those movies, but without the noises. Jacky peeked around the corner at him for minutes in lack other entertainment.

Ranma threw kicks in the air, did a couple of back flips and finished with a flurry punches.

Practising in unregulated martial arts was a daily thing for him since young age. Getting better and never given in no matter challenge. There were few that could give a decent match these days after fighting all kinds of weirdoes.

"Strange… It's quiet, too quiet." Ranma muttered. "I can't hear any loud bangs from the kitchen. Maybe she finally gave up?" He stood still. Seconds felt like hours. Something was in the dojo, or was he just imagine?

"Ok, old man come out, come out where ever you are! I have blown your cover." Ranma said.

No one answered. He knew that someone was there, but who else would try and hide except for his dad. Perhaps came up with a new idea of 'training'? No matter what it was, the old man would be a goner. Ranma felt like beating up his old man.

"What's he yelling about? Delayed war cries?" Jacky thought. That fighter or whatever he looked like wasn't much to look at in her eyes. Maybe he needed some kind of motivation?

That strange feeling that someone was looking at him had disappeared suddenly. Perhaps the old man was giving up for this time? Ranma resumed his training .It bothered him a bit that Mousse threw that sucker punch this morning. He needed to shape up to avoid those kitchen sinks in the future... And give Mousse a good beating next time. Yet he couldn't shake off that feeling that someone was watching. It couldn't be Ryoga, since he would be heard quite easily. Ranma stopped with a leg in the air.

"Something glistening..." Ranma thought. He put down his foot a bit from the thing. "Looks like a tripwire. Pops! Now you have sunk even lower then possible, that trap is so obvious."

Ranma touched the wire. Tight. He could barely see it winding through the dojo, up on the wall and stopping in the ceiling. A bucket was attached to the other end.

Ranma whistled and went to fetch a mop. He touched the thread with the mop. The bucket fell to the floor with a bang.

"Hah! Didn't think I could spot a simple trap like that, pops?" Ranma said.

A different thread snapped.

"What the?" Ranma said. He jumped to avoid a second bucket coming from behind. Ranma landed firmly on the floor. Five buckets came swinging from nowhere. He jumped up to the beam in the ceiling. The buckets hit each other revealing confetti inside.

"Ok, now I am starting to get worried. I knew that the old man could make traps, but that's ridiculous!" Ranma said. He glanced at the floor, and the walls. No more traps he could see. Being a bit more secure he jumped down. The dojo-door closed.

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Phew, sorry about the delay. Please Read and review after you have read this far.


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